Number 7: M O N K E Y F O O T B A L L

Monkey Football

I have no doubt that the thought of Monkey Football at some time or another has occupied every male football fan at some point. It is an irresistible dream. Nothing would give us more pleasure than seeing the team you support unwaveringly, despite the fact they deliver you nothing but shame and false promises, replaced by monkeys. This is not as simple as it sounds, do we have monkeys of one species in one team or do we mix them altogether? If we have species specific teams do they then have specific leagues? There would need to be a trial to determine what would work best but personally I would like to see mixed monkey football. Monkeys come in all shapes and sizes and would no doubt have skills that would relate better to some positions than others. Orangutans or Gorillas would make great goalkeepers, Spider Monkeys would not. I can however, see spider monkeys making excellent wingers, fast and tricky. Chimpanzees would no doubt be the utility players as their physiques would lend themselves to playing in a number of roles. There should also be a monkey referee and the teams should be managed by monkeys. The idea would be taken further till the administrators of football were also monkeys. I have no doubts that it would be a more honest and well run game.