Number 3: Football on the Rotating Death Stage from Flash Gordon.

Football on the Rotating Death Stage from Flash Gordon.

If by some crazy chance you’ve never seen the classic film Flash Gordon directed by Mike Hodges (of Get Carter fame) then I’ll enlighten you. It’s the rotating stage, that spikes spring from in Prince Vultans sky castle. Flash and Prince Barin fight on it and the gold Dr Death Klytus gets killed on it. Anyway, how cool would it to watch football played on that! Twenty minutes and still no score? Then we can slant the pitch to one side, that should focus the players minds. Still too slow? Then we can add the spikes. Players would have to seriously consider those rash challenges, nobody wants to dive in only to have spike through their thorax. Also jumping for headers would have to be thought through, the ground might move beneath your feet making that landing a precarious one. Rotation should be limited as it will cause no end of confusion for the players and spectator as to which direction their team is shooting at, maybe only a few quick jolts per half. Any more may result in nausea for all involved. The bottomless drop beneath the pitch is optional, personally I feel a rotating stage with spikes is enough. A compromise could be reached where a retractable floor underneath could be in place and moved depending on how vindictive you were feeling.